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You can't Run From your Self...or your Destiny...
Symbol of Extraordinary Valor
And what should have been a primitively mindless evening of Super bowl MADNESS .Yip-Yip-Yippie!turns into somber reflection....I hear the tapping of a familiar beat, turn from the 70 inch LCD High Definition screen and there he is.

He sits in a raced out wheelchair and he taps out a beat from one of my hit songs. He knows I recognize it and he smiles at me and as I look. He sees that I know that he knows that I know that he Knows that I know.... he turns away shyly and tries to hide the splendor of his victory.

He is a genius and so few of us know it...so very lucky few of us know that it is not the parents or the organizers but HIM and His Brother in arms in London, the other Boy hero un-limited to a wheelchair and sometimes an OXYGEN tent.. Big Ben.They that tap out beats and claps and taps and little gestures that make the signals that make the world go round.(Cut for those who dont like to see things the way they really are).....

Although bent and turned...every movement requiring Herculean will, I see him as Noble and straight and true like the metal of Excalibur. This tiny Giant.... all he does, he does for others and not for himself...and anyone can see if Only they have eyes to see with or ears to hear with, that it is HE who is running the show...all the shows, EVERYWHERE.

That Butch and Paul and Jimmy and Frank are all here because of him....None of us would come here just to see a big T. V.... and it is because he listens to us and understands us better than we understand ourselves (with 50 level Chess master Aplomb), every phrase or inflection of tone, he absorbs and re directs in Subliminal code that goes right into us deep like Uro-Trance. And he knew that: We needed to be brought together and so he taps out his code and it PENITRATES and the weeks pass and we go about our business and either knowingly or unknowingly do his will and reap the rewards of his mercy and compassion. There we are...once again a crew....he smiles.

And he knows I haven't written about the bed-ridden Boy hero from London because I have been running from it....... and he stares at me with a wry smile and taps out his code that sinks in and wont let me escape my fate or my destiny. "Dit-Dit-Dit-Dah"...."Dit-Dit-Dit-Dah". (THree dots and a dash, Morse code for the letter "V") From Beethoven's Fifth, The call sign for London.... and Victory.

I am reminded that there are greater things than myself and God and that we are all intertwined in communication...that communication is what it is all about....That when I stood speechless...expecting to see the antiseptic trappings of a Hospital-Like room instead faced with a facsimile of my own studio...The OXOjamm Crew at MonsterJamm
as If this were me in another life OR a quark of fate....my Hero's and His all pinned up on the wall glowering down Big Freakin Balls, this Dudein omnipotent reminder of our duty to all who trust us.

He knew that SHE The tiarra in Questionwould kneel before me...

He knew I wouldn't accept...he knew that she knew I wouldn't accept.... and he knew that she knew that I knew that THEY Knew......

But what if in a moment of weakness....

(it's not that I didn't want to, I'm quite sure that I am one of the Horniest Men in the whole wide world. Truly, I wake up every morning with an erection that you could cut Diamonds with.)..........

And so he picked her for me and she knew it and she wanted to be picked and she felt HONORED (!) and so did I (Hell yes I did, she was such a Knockout)....but she made this Plain as an edict from the Queen Mother herself:

"I'm NOT that girl you keep chasing in your wind-screen! I am a Woman. Here, Place your hand against my womb....that is Life in there waiting for the right man to bring it to fruition, not some Lost Speedsters wormhole! Perhaps Indeed I am the Kind of Woman you are NOT ready for, but in any case you know that you could have taken me...that I WANTED you to take me and that: I would have given you everything a Woman could give AND THAT SHOULD, at LEAST give you the strength to stop trying to Kill your self, chasing that damned phantom.

The next time you feel her beckoning, think of me and that I am HERE, in THIS world."

I was truly stunned. Sure, I get offers often enough, but this Babe was off the Hook Up there in the stratos...If she took up with me it would probably make the ENQUIERER.

But what she didn't know was that I was caving...and then those people came in Laughing and pushing their way into the cloak room. Who knows what I might have done given a few more seconds in the twilight ...scant rays of stage lighting pushing their way through the door glinting off her Teirra...her mouth gloss reflecting the promise of warm and immeasurable receptions..... and Now I have felt the warmth of her ....I can still feel it when I recall the moment....warm against my hand and yes....the prospect of life within.

They are so sure I wouldn't have....... they told me they knew I wouldn't have...that I couldn't have...they claim to know me so well.....but I am not so sure.

And then I am sitting on the edge of the Little Hero's bed....surrounded by oxygen and tubes and needles and machines that make little noises and what the hell can I do but feel outnumbered by the magnitude of his GREATNESS....there on the wall, posters of Masters and Luis and Leggs and Heartworm and Justin and Marty and Tom and Cheryle and Me.Back in the day

Like a recruiting poster, "I want you." As we are sometimes seen
it stings like a bitch to be reminded that you are extraordinary...Shit, we knew that a long time ago....and it's not ego, it's a curse to have extraordinary abilities and to know what needs to be done to make changes in peoples lives. That you do love people and miss people and that you make promises some of which you didn't keep after all....it's more than I can bear sometimes...

Because there on the wall was a poster of someone that I failed to keep a promise to.The Scout I failed to save And the bed ridden Boy Hero said, "That promise, I kept for you"....

and I cried so hard I cried like some grief ridden Grandmother ....I wanted to tear the flesh from my face I didn't know what to do with my self because I knew in an instant what all this was about and I knew what it was to be a real Hero to someone and to have a real friend who was a Hero himself.I realized in an instant that all this....London and more was HIS Doing.

To be told by such a shining one as this Boy Hero that he wanted to be just like me was all that I could take...and I started to curse God and weep....How heavily it weighs upon us..
and He stopped me and with all the strength he had in his tiny little arm he gripped me and wouldn't let me curse God...with pursed lips he shook his head like a good Uncle like a reflection of Winston Churchill to brace myself to my duty.....Like an old man in a Little Boys Body....and I put my forehead on his hand and wept quietly for a long time, hardly noticing the other hands resting on my shoulders.

And now there was another Hand on my Shoulder....back at the Superbowl Party and It was his confederate on this side of the Pond Tapping me...Tapping me...leaning forward in his Race Model chair....and when I looked up at him I knew that he knew that I knew that he Knew that I was back on track now...Back on track.That through some unfathomed quark of fate these Heroes rule the world....We think we take care of them...but really, it is they who take care of us....and nothing gets past them, No Not Nothing....Not even a little Hip-Hop beat tapped out in a British cloak room.

Yes My friends,You Can't Run from your Self ....or your Destiny....
and I wont be catching the girl of my dreams in my windscreen, anymore.
.....
Vince,
OXOjamm.
P.S. Next time you see him or one of his Comrades....remember, He just might be God.



Copyright 2005 or earlier,OXOjamm, all rights reserved.
Jamm
Sharpen your Combat skillz by downloading Battlefield-2 Demo and going HERE to this Most Kick Arse Mod!
It's the BOMB, (Pun Intended)!

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
oxojamm
Feb. 7th, 2005 08:49 pm (UTC)
Didn't thnk you would ever write about that night, Boy.

Good you got it out of ya.

Masters.
volinde
Feb. 8th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
u know...as much as i read your posts, and want to understand wat the hell youre talking about...i dont. im sorry.
oxojamm
Feb. 9th, 2005 09:36 am (UTC)
I didnt write this very well...I was quite shaken up...I'm still rattled by it all..

V.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )